Brothers-in-Truth, we are faced today with most grave and alarming news: the United States is down to it’s final blockbuster video. This travesty was reported by our close news partner in nothing but the truth, CNN. It turns out Bend Oregon is the final stronghold for popular video rental with no late fees. An unbelievable feat really in the face of the constant competition and public demand for instant gratification streaming.
This just another victim of the corporate machine getting louder and faster and churning honest service and cinema under its tires. Other truth driving patriots include our good friends at Circuit City, Borders, and mervyn’s. No one had a deeper bond with honest news and true patriotism than mervyn’s. But today everything seems to boil down to reputations and that’s the subject of today’s breaking news. Certain business’ reputations are starting to climb out of control and we’re turning our Skeptic Scopes to see just how great these industry giants really are.
According to ‘everyone gets a trophy’ JD Power & Associates, Ford is the best truck of the year. We at the Dover Street Examiner have seen our fair share of brilliant pickups and no truck has yet to top this baby
In the same breath there are more technology companies popping up every day that claim to know the very best anti-virus software to protect us from the most truth-destructive enemy of all: hackers. Breaking news from PC Mag: Avast antivirus. Really? Yet another comical corporate push for FREE-mium software which is just a piece of software lying about being free. Plus everyone knows the best antivirus is Linux. Kick those hackers right back in the teeth if they try to enter our temple of truth.
The final and most insidious change to our way of life in these past weeks is the ever-honest and paragon of patriotism Costco’s horrifying decision to replace polish sausages with acai bowls. This tragedy falling on the heels of the removal of chocolate as a flavor option in frozen yogurt. Is nothing sacred? This is perhaps the greatest breach in trust with we loyal bulk buying disciples of discount. The reputation of acai bowls is clearly being overblown by those algorithm-toting, truth-filtering tricksters at instagram. No one wanted this change but an overblown reputation has claimed another victim. RIP Polish Sausage.
Don’t even get us started on consumer-service review sites. Better Business Bureau, TripAdvisor, AngiesList, the Health Department, they’re all out to play a popularity contest with our honest feelings about the goods and services we buy. What ever happened to the days of honest yelp certified organic marketers that help consumers make their voices heard and show the best businesses for what they really are? These kind of reviews give us hope but then again we all know hope is a great weakness if you let your guard down…
Keep your eyes peeled for the truly BEST products, services, and patriots in our field and report them in to us so we can share the good news with our loyal followers in truth. Until then, keep your guard up, stay skeptical, and stay diligent out there.